Life After Baby Loss…

Before Monkey, we suffered a very early miscarriage, something, I don’t really think about, I guess I brushed it aside, saying that out loud, sounds so brash & cold! I was just so eager to try again and a few months later, we were pregnant with Monkey.

I think about that time here and there but lots of feelings and memories have returned from reading this book.

Since becoming an avid user of Instagram, I follow so many courageous, inspiring women, One in particular is Nicola aka Pea, On Insta she’s known as ‘One day of Winter’.

I came across her, when she was pregnant with Raven.

Raven is a few days younger than Piglet, so I instantly felt a connection to her page, but more than that, her son Winter captured my heart.

Winter was born and passed away after just a day! He is Raven’s older brother.

I was given the privilege to read her new book, I was apprehensive as its a something I have felt very naive on. Yes I have miscarried but I didn’t feel worthy to even for a minute know or understand what baby loss means. I did however want to understand.

Since reading this, I have felt more at home with my feelings and what happened, and just for this I thank you Pea.

“A person’s a person, no matter how small” – Dr Seuss (taken from Life after baby loss)

‘Life after baby loss’ A companion and guide for parents is beautifully written, I couldn’t put it down. There was a few people I couldn’t get out of my head while reading this, the friends I feel I could of said more to, but never knowing the right thing to say or behave. I wish I had this before.

Even if you haven’t experienced baby loss, its a perfect insight, the book is broken down into chapters for parents to go to the parts that maybe they feel they need advice on or maybe its how they are feeling at that moment in time.

The ideas to include babies into your lives, suggestions for the milestones or celebrations, even to how you can include your family and friends is just inspirational. Its certainly a companion, that I believe lots of parents will get a sense of understanding and that they are not alone.

The way Pea writes, its as though, she sitting on the sofa next to you, holding your hand, she speaks of her own thoughts, memories but she keeps ‘you’ the reader at the forefront.

I’ve learnt so much from this book, the insights into ‘things people say’ when something like this happens, which are unfortunately not helpful but how you can approach this, to some lovely Buddha teachings, that you can use in how we see the world and life. I’ve gained a greater understanding of loss & what as a friend I can do, and how you can support.

I feel so privileged to of been given the opportunity, and I have this sense of feeling calm and so much adjuration for Pea & the loss community, by sharing your journeys, saying your babies names, seeing this ‘taboo’ subject begin to disappear is just incredible.

Winter & Raven are so lucky & proud of you.

x

Find Pea on Insta

https://www.instagram.com/onedayofwinter/

Her blog

https://onedayofwinter.com/

Her book

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my jumpsuit addiction….

If you’ve been following me for a little bit, you will know this summer brought a mini addiction of mine into a huge one.

I know, to talk about summer when its turning colder is a little weird & it will soon be winter vibes,  but I wanted to show a round up of my favourite pieces, that in style or not, will be out to play next summer!

 

This is a gorgeous & one of my fav pieces from my summer! Its from ASOS, its comfy, a little low cut.. but who cares. It was perfect for the holiday vibes. I just adored the print, I don’t normally do bold, but this caught my eye and i’m so pleased i gave it a go.

 

 

OK, you may see a theme & clearly a place I seem to buy a lot from!

This is another number, its so stretchy and comfy, the colour is a little light for me normally, what with having kiddies but so far no bad marks… I love the lace and detail, it adds a little more depth to it.

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Yes Yes another ASOS eekkk

I loved the colour & shape to this, the fabric is a little crepe paper like and creases the minute you touch it, but its another fab, comfy jumpsuit and perfect for holiday.

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This jumpsuit is just lovely from New Look, another one of my favs, especially for going out, just adding heels changes the look and makes it sophisticated. It has a fine stripes running through it, the belt around the waist adds to the style and gives you a little nip in the right places.

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This F&F short all in one, is just fabulous, it was great on holiday, you can wear casual with sandals or pumps, add a heel and it can completely change the look. the back is open with a tie up, its detail and stripes are just lovely.

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These stretchy jumpsuits are from ASOS (I also have in pink) I am in love with them, you can wear with a tee underneath & i will def be wearing this Autumn with a knit over the top! I feel like an artist when I’m in them, they don’t figure hug, they are versatile and just so comfortable.

 

 

This Topshop jumpsuit has been a favourite of mine for absolute ages, I’ve had it that long, you could probably say its vintage. I have in black too. I’ve worn in many ways, but this particular look I love, due to a bloody orange within the pattern of this navy jumpsuit, my orange heels just give it a pop of colour and really make this look.

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Last but by no means least, this New Look recent number is so cute, in a terracotta colour, its soft fabric makes it so comfy. The belt adds a nip to the waist and capped sleeves give that more covered look. I love the length and again like most of these can be so versatile. I’ve worn with heels and it automatically feels glam, but I will also wear with some sandals and pumps for a casual look.

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the other half of turning One…

as usual, I’m late writing about milestones and Piglet is now nearly 14 months! ooppss

Here’s my memories & snapshots of piglets 7-12 months

Month 7

Lots of things happened this month, for milestones, she really began to change even more…

Piglet & I started a fitness class called ‘sweaty mama’ if you follow me on insta, I regularly post our weekly shots. She loves it, bouncing around, listening to the music & watching the other babes that are strapped to their mamas.

This month brought us a pretty big milestone, not one i’m happy about as you know I only grew her, birthed her, fed her… she said DADA for the first time! I know, I know! Its the easier word to say haha

This month marked her first time in her cot, she was a star, like her big bro was, she took to it straight away. Was very strange for the first few nights, kept waking up to check her beside me, and she wasn’t there! Thank god for monitors

She began to master tummy work, by going around in a circle, she also started to sit, but still slides.

Another major milestone, is due to weaning, shes gradually not wanting boob as much, you may of seen my blog post about this. “Our Boobing journey”

Towards the end of this month, our breastfeeding journey, came to an end!

 

Month 8

She ROLLED…. yay

She mastered it, finally! shes even grasping sitting on her own, far more, she can go from sitting to on to her belly!

Piglets love for food, is crazy, she will try anything, she loves most things, she LOVES fruit, mainly blueberries, she loves cheese, to be honest, anything you give her, she will likely to love it.

 

Month 9

She started to CRAWL…. eeekkkk

Life as we knew it was over, she’s mastered it and can now get anywhere she wants, she doesn’t have to wait for someone to listen to her UH OH

I had noted, that her teeth looked like they were on their way, you will soon see that was not correct, apart from the fact of the signs! Dribble, irritated, broken sleep, the nappies… oh the nappies! why do they smell so chemically… eeww

Month 10

Literally every month shes having Major milestones and this month brought..

Standing up at things.. massive uh oh haha

And yes still no teeth

She is quite frankly into everything, especially if its not for her, or not even a toy!

Month 11

She’s pretty partial for grass & sand and the occasional stone as part of her diet, it doesn’t matter how many times we say No! Guess we have to wait for her to get bored of it!

This month took us on her first holiday, and she loved it, she loved swimming, the water, the sand! obviously!

She started to stand more by herself, a whole 8 seconds that I noted.

Pointing has also become a thing! Points at everything

Month 12 

Birthday Month

We moved this month and Piglet finally has a room of her very own, Monkey and Piglet quite enjoyed sharing, more monkey, but its fab for them to have their own space

She was born this month eeekkk

A whole year of this beautiful, clever, determined little lady, she made us a four! I cant quite believe how fast it went, def goes faster with number 2! But boy does it feel like she’s been here forever!

AND

SHE GOT A TOOTH………. YAY she wont be a gummy bear.

 

This year has been truly awesome in so many ways, I am truly lucky to have such funny, good natured, determined children and I cant wait to share with you

Our Journey

x

 

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Fathers Day.. My Top Picks…

So we are midway into 2018 and 7 days from Fathers day.

I have put together my Top 7 buys for the men in your life!

Dadmin

I’ve recently come across this business and straight away wanted everything for the Hubby, these two products, would be a fab idea for a gift, especially for those awkward men in your life.

Dadmin book £9.99 Author Kevin Pettman is the proud owner of two little people and his days are full of Dadmin duties. He’s somehow mastered the art of making spag bol, putting up a shelf and painting the shed all at the same time. Every other Bank Holiday he’s allowed an afternoon off from Dadmin, purchase here

A hashtag poem £26.99 for parent’s that are doing a great job. Written by Dadmin.

Presented in a high quality black photo frame this will look great on any wall or shelf. A fantastic gift, to remind all the dads of what great jobs they do to help. Purchase here

First Man In

ant middleton

You must of come across this legend! From the fabulous SAS Who dares wins series… don’t know about you, but my hubby & I have been hooked on that show and the main man, Ant Middleton since it began… OK well I have been hooked on Ant haha

He has brought out a book ‘First man in’ £10 (Hardcover) and it looks amazing. Over the course of his career he has served in the Special Boat Service, the Royal Marines and 9 Parachute Squadron Royal, achieving what is known as the ‘Holy Trinity’ of the UK’s Elite Forces. Purchase here

My 1st Years

These Tee’s from My 1st Years, are a fab pressie & team with your little person for that extra cuteness.

‘I’m exhausted’ matching dad & baby set £32 100% ultra soft cotton, and in a range of sizes, all gift come in a free gift box, that can be treasured. Purchase here

‘Best dad ever’ matching set also £32, purchase here

Beer Hawk

 

Now, what guy doesn’t love a beer or two? £20 Purchase here

This fabulous gift set from Beer Hawk, has all the feels, Featuring five amazing beers, a packet of classic crunchy nuts and a Dad’s Beer glass, it’s the best way to say ‘Cheers Dad!’ on June 17th.

So what’s in the box? Here’s the complete run down: 1 x Victory Headwater Pale Ale- Pale Ale, 1 x Goose Island IPA- IPA, 1 x Hoegaarden- Belgian Wit, 1 x Roosters Yankee- Pale Ale, 1 x Magic Rock Dancing Bear- Lager, 1 x Bier Nuts, 1 x ‘Dad’s Beer’ Glass

OHSO Box

If you are local to Surrey and love beautifully curated sets for your loved ones, OHSO box are for you.

The Papa gift box edit is gorgeous £48

This gift box has been curated for the modern Father.  A handcrafted tan leather key ring with your choice of either DADDY or PAPA, as well as a 12oz Frank Green coffee cup combining function, form and sustainability, making this a perfect gift for Father’s Day, Birthday or a Daddy-to-be.  Packaged and delivered in a simple white gift box and ribbon. Purchase here

 

ALL by MAMA – check out here

This is a new business, I have come across and its fantastic, a market place for creative parents to showcase their businesses. Take a look, there is so much choice & wonderful gift ideas, here’s a couple from them.

by FromLucy 

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Dad Challenges £9.95

This is a clever & lovely gift, 36 pre written cards, with challenges & ideas to spend more time with family & friends. Purchase here

 

by In The Box Gifts

Sponsored by Coffee gift box £30

When I came across this, I thought yes yes yes, I love the milestone cards for dads, this is a great gift, especially, if like me you love photos & keeping memories, plus the added bonus of coffee and a gorgeous mug. Purchase here

In the box

  • Papa Bear Mug by Pushka Home
  • Daddy Milestone Cards by This Mama Does
  • Breakfast Blend (ground) Coffee by Black Mountain Roast Coffee

 

Happy shopping

B x

Check Check Check…

Your boobies, bangers, bee stings, fried eggs, milky orbes..

Whatever your name for them, please check!

It was a few days before I had finished feeding Piglet.

There had been the recent show, The Full Monty, the ladies night, all about breast cancer awareness, also a campaign I had seen on twitter,  it was a diagram of what a lump could feel like… it mentioned a lemon seed! All of this was completely fresh in my mind..

While in the shower, on a Friday night, I was like, OK lets check! After a few minutes, I noticed a Lump.. and it felt like a lemon seed! but not only that, it was sore, it was uncomfortable.

In that moment, I froze, suddenly I was met by complete over thinking, thoughts of please no…

I immediately told Martin, who looked worried but kept that strong, rock like figure, that he always is for me.

I did think, oh no! I cant wait until Monday to go to the GP, All the what ifs.. going through my head, If you’ve seen my previous post on Anxiety, I have a tendency to over think, over worry and make myself completely freak out!

I was able to book to see a private GP on a Saturday, so that’s what we did!

I sat in the waiting room, every single worse case scenario running through my head, it was made worse by the fact it would be a male doctor… why on earth that matters, I’ve given birth with a male doctor ‘right there’ but my initial reaction was complete embarrassment.

I was called in, he was such a lovely Doctor that he instantly put me at ease, not to mention I had all the motley crew with me.

He asked numerous questions, I explained that I was nearing the end of breastfeeding and that I felt silly for even being there.

I laid on the bed and he examined me, much to the laughter of Monkey who found this all very amusing, and obviously didn’t understand what mummy was doing.

The doctor said in his opinion, he felt that nothing seemed suspicious, but he couldn’t decide if it was a cyst or not, so said he would refer me.

I remember having a sense of feeling relived, at least for that day!

Within the next week, I received an appointment to be seen by a consultant, hubby and piglet came along, luckily monkey had nursery.

Again the consultant was a lovely man, (not sure why I keep clarifying this) maybe that lots of women feel odd when a man is involved in personal areas of your body, but just to say, there is nothing to worry about, that’s what they see and check, day in day out, you are no one special.

Again I was asked numerous questions, he check both breasts, arms up, arms down, etc, he asked me to show where the lump and soreness was.

He too didn’t feel it was anything to worry about, but for his own peace of mind and to check it wasn’t a cyst, he said he would get a scan booked for me.

Although both doctors so far, had no worries at all and this was all purely for clarification, I felt so anxious, every thought going through my mind, even going over things with my husband, if we were to hear anything negative, which my husband immediately refused to do..

Why do we do that!, straight away look to the negative, worry about things we have no certainty over?

That week, I remember, I kept checking, was it getting bigger, did it hurt anymore, what, how, when….

The appointment for the scan came through, again Hubby and Piglet came, the walk to the room, I could feel myself getting hotter and sweaty, just what you want before, having your boobs checked.

It was a lovely, kind lady, I laid on the bed, exactly the same set up when you go for a scan when pregnant, just this time I had no top or bra on…. she put the gel on my boob and began to scan, it felt so odd, having the scan on my boob, when months back it was for my growing bump.. the lady and I joked about this and she totally put me at ease.

They didn’t do a mammogram, due to my age, as the tissue and lots of changes are still happening, so a scan is the preferred way.

She remained silent, and would pause and look at the screen, at those snippets, I was worried she was going to tell me something completely different to the two doctors before her..

She then went on to say all done…! I cannot see anything, no cyst, not even the ‘lump’ I had felt in the first place, nothing was deemed suspicious to her at all.

She said that I had done the right thing and if anything ever feels not quite right, to always get checked.

I had this huge feeling of relief and all anxiety leaving my body!

I felt the need to post this, because normally I would of let my head do the talking, to tell me, I was being silly, or nothing to worry about. But things could of been different, and for lots of women they are very much that…

We all need to check, mothers, daughters, sisters even our husbands and sons.

It should be something we all put into our routines, like brushing our teeth, its important to know your body and to get Checked any time you do not feel something is right!

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These #tittees are fabulous, 25% of sales are donated to GIRLvsCANCER’s Partner Charities

If you are interested in the T shirts & some of the money going to beat cancer, take a look here

(This was a purchase off my own back, I have not been paid, nor gifted this T shirt)

If you want to see the campaign that made me check, please see here

 

Piglet’s picks.. 9-12 m

I’ve been so excited for this update of Piglets picks… These are all new and available now

These gorgeous dresses are 100% cotton, they will be perfect for the cooler days, and can team with some leggings, online here at Next £14 each

I feel like i’m all about stripes and blue this season

The top is a gorgeous Broderie detail from Next £8 here The Denim dress from Matalan £7 can be found here

The Rompers are a two pack from Next, again amazing from summer, lightweight and comfy £15 found here

This three piece from Next is just so cute, I love the statement tee, alongside the floaty vest and bloomer shorts £17 found here

These two pieces are from M&Co and I feel bring a bit of girly esk and colour to her wardrobe. Lightweight and soft.

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Another M&Co item, a different denim dress, I love the opposites created and the patchwork, it would be fab with some little pumps.

The owl dress, its beautiful, its handmade by a friends aunt and its just so lovely, got and take a look on her Etsy, she makes to order and its 18-24 months £20 (so to be kept) check out here

The three piece romper set is from Dashing & Dainty, which you can get in M&Co £18

I couldn’t agree more… Piglet is definitely a Little girl with Big dreams and too right…

The two set is from Next £13 and you can check out here

The bloomers are again from one of my Insta favs, Rose and Guy £14 can be seen here

The gorgeous woodland harems by the lovely Lily and Giraffe £16 can be seen here

 

I love fashion & spreading the love, that I thought ild try out a new way to get us all sharing our favourite pieces, share your favs using the hashtag #pigletspicks and we can all enjoy 🙂

B xx

What we get up to now Piglet goes to bed….

I’ve intrigued you haven’t I ?

Well sorry to disappoint ha ha, well actually some of you, might actually find it interesting.. hmm

So Piglet at 7 months started to go down at an actual bed time, in her crib….

We started this off with a celebratory Maccy D’s, the nights that have followed, you would think we would use this time to get through some box sets maybe, or have a conversation about our day…

Erm nope.. so far

  • Boxed up some unnecessary clutter
  • Dusted shelves and bookacse
  • Folded clothes
  • Cleaned kitchen floor
  • Washing up
  • Reminisced about the nights, where piglet would be on me, asleep on the nursing pillow, until 1am.. sob sob
  • Not once have we, got an early night to get a full night of zzzz, I think the earliest is 11.45pm.. when will we learn!
  • Hubby completed a 1000 black & white piece puzzle, so rock n roll…hmmm
  • Catched up on Homeland
  • I’ve tried to read more, you should see the pile of books awaiting my attention, all of which found by the fab squares on insta
  • Scrolled the squares on insta
  • Cleaned the bathroom
  • Watched piglet intensely on her monitor..

 

Please tell me, that everyone’s evenings are like this and I’m not completely alone.. in the most boring life contest ha ha

If anyone has any suggestions (clean suggests please.. wink wink) that myself or the hubby can do with our well deserved evenings, then comment below 🙂